periclete

I will do what you want me to do

I don't know if I really knew how significant the day was, and I knew so little about prayer.  I do remember laying on my bunk bed in the dorms at Chico State one night and saying the simple prayer but meaning it with all my heart, "I will do what you want me to do".

What led up to this prayer was a life filled with pride that I could live the life that I knew I should.  I was never grounded as a boy, never used drugs, was nice to people, didn't smoke, didn't cuss, didn't didn't, didn't...I figured that if anyone deserved to go to heaven I did, because I followed the rules, and I did what was right. 

I really didn't care too much about God, but if I did think of him I wasn't too worried.  I knew that I wasn't perfect, but I also knew that I did better than most.  Surely, my good deeds and good life out weighed any wrong I had done!

I had recently been to my grandfather's funeral and maybe that got me thinking of deeper things.   I remember watching the movie "Ben Hur" and being impacted with the reality of the death of Christ.  But the turning point came as I was reading the New Testament and I realized somehow, that if I stood before God, I was in real trouble.  I realized that my own trying to live a good life, was on the outside and that my heart was far from God.  It was quite a change of heart for me to realize that I was totally in need of a savior.  My own efforts at righteousness was just like the Pharisees.  They had it "dialed in on the outside", but Jesus called them, "White washed tombs". 

That night on my bed (I guess that was 1971) when I told God that I would do what he wanted me to do, was the beginning of the great adventure.  I was placing my faith in what I knew Jesus had done on the cross to forgive my sin.  It took a year or so to even begin to figure out what it was all about, but I did notice several changes within the first month.  First was a sense of being forgiven.  Then I noticed that I had a soft heart...toward others and that I cried easier. ( I think I had developed kind of a "crust").  I had a new desire to learn about Christian things and to find others who also believed in the Lord.  I wanted to please God from the inside, not just on the outside.

I imagine that if I knew then what "Doing what He wanted me to do" would involve, I would be terrified.  But what an adventure!  I can't even imagine how different life would be if I had hardened my heart to His working in my life.   My family, my friends, my occupation, my desires, my private life, my thoughts, my priorities...are all radically different as a result of the work of Christ in my heart.

I have had to go back to that simple prayer many times when my flesh wants to do what it wants.  There have been times that I have had to pray reluctantly that same prayer, but in hindsight, why have I been hesitant to yield to a loving God who knows best.

I often wonder why would God be so gracious to me, "a sinner"?  Why would He bless me so? I am overwhelmed by grace.

Boy Meets Girl

It seemed like any other day.  I had no idea that is day is the day that would change my life.  It seems that there are intersections in life that change the course of our entire future, but the intersection comes and goes and we don't even know that we have passed it.  I guess it was a simple decision that morning.  The Christian groups on the Chico State campus put together a float for the Pioneer Week Parade.  There was no voice from God or even a clear leading, I just thought I should be involved.  They set up the float with folding chairs and  I was on the outside edge seated next to a  cute, friendly young woman.  She visited with me in between songs even though I was very shy.  After the parade was over, I went on my way, she went on her way.  She remembered my name, I forgot hers.   She often worked the Intervarsity booktable in the foyer of the student union building and often would say "Hi" to me by name as I came into the building.  Little by little the relationship would grow into a friendship and then a romance.  I finally remembered her name.

The morning we met was the spring of her freshmen year.  Who would have thought that "chance" meeting would ,in a little more than 3 years, mean that I would stand in front of a church and watched this same beautiful young woman, dressed in white, walk toward me arm in arm with her father.   My heart was beating madly that day.  It still beats madly as we walk together arm in arm with our heavenly Father almost 31 years later.

I have wondered how my life would be different if I had just slept in, on what seemed like an ordinary morning.  I am reminded how important it is to walk close to God every day because He knows where our life-intersections lie.

No time for friends

The year was 1991.  I was in Eugene, Oregon at a reunion of sorts.  Old friends from my childhood, joined with friends from college, and friends from our years on staff with Campus Crusade for Christ.  The fellowship hall at the church was filled with my friends and others that I barely knew.  The conversation was filled with memories and I was truly blessed to see people that I hadn't seen in years.  There were a lot of smiles and plenty of laughter, but there were also many tears.  The unusual combination of tears and laughter was healing to my soul for were all there to remember my brother Dana, who had just died from a brain tumor.   The presence of friends brought comfort to my broken heart.  On the way home Deb and I were talking about how wonderful it was to see our friends and as the discussion continued, I realized that, at that busy time in my life, I was too busy for friends.  All the different responsibilites of life pulled me in so many directions that something had to go, and I realized that I just wasn't spending time with my friends.  I determined that I would do what it takes to change that, so I called up some friends and said, "Let's get together at 6:30 A.M. every Wednesday morning for one hour".  Since 1991 that morning meeting has rotated days, rotated people in and out as time commitments changed, but continues to this day and has truly been a blessing in my life.